Since the last time I published something, till today, the thought of writing has crossed my mind at least once a day. And there was always something. A new reason. A new excuse. A new way of postponing the thoughts.
Until a few minutes ago, every time I found something interesting or met an amazing person, I thought, hey, I need to write this down. I definitely need to share this experience. I surely need to tell about this. And most definitely do this again. Write! Simply write.
So what was stopping me? Well, a multiple factors. And to name a few – validation, anxiousness about the reactions, fear of not fulfilling the expectations, and as stupid as it may sound, the fear of being judged.
Why did all these silly reasons become an obstacle to me? The very core reason of writing and starting this blog was to not get into the vicious cycle of such thoughts. And simply share the experiences, wasn’t it?
Anyhow, better late than never, I wanna bounce back. There is low and high time/phases in everyone’s life. And as much as some of you might not believe, everyone has them. And no matter how fancy and perfect someones life seems to be, it’s more often not that bed of roses that’s seen 🙂
Having said that, there were also a lot of amazing things that happened in the last few months.
Last year has brought so much in terms of personal growth, learnings, experiences, and opportunities. But it also came with its downsides. In the midst of all the opportunities and lessons, it extracted a lot of my personal time, and that means, also my personal relations. I was barely able to keep up with my close friends, relatives and a lot of people whom I wished I saw more. I did get to travel and learn new people and things and culture, but it hazed out my present life. That brings me to my next point, understanding. While some knew how it exactly was, and some just the very tip of the berg, it simply went in 2 ways. Some understood, and some, well, our paths parted over the time.
I’m not here to defend. Or be apologetic about everything I did. There comes a time in each ones life where you have so much going on that it’s simply overwhelming. And yes, I finally understand that. I didn’t before, honestly. And it sure takes times to find and strike a balance between the new world of things and your own world. And in midst of all of that, if you still find yourself with people who are still by you, then you need to feel blessed and once you’re back to the balance, give them all the love they deserve. And most definitely, don’t repeat your mistakes.
This is exactly what I’ve done and I am indeed blessed with some really amazing people who really saw me through the struggles and not just my life on Insta.
When that wave passed, it was time for a break. To mentally recover from all that happened in the year and that ended 2018 for me.
2019 began with such beauty and surprises, that within the first week of the year, I knew things are gonna get different, and I’ll be entering another phase of my life.
More about that in a very special post that’s gonna come in a few weeks 😉
Followed by a great opportunity of giving an interview for a podcast for the ‘Four Seas One Family’ to James Thomas.
I would be really happy if you could take out a few minutes and listen to this podcast. Share it with anyone you think might like it, benefit from it or simply be motivated 🙂
By the end of the month, I completed my first painting. The feeling of picking up the brush after all these years and simply painting in the evenings, I finally found my way of meditating.
Here’s how it finally turned out 🙂
I haven’t drawn it, just painted it by the numbers. And that was my medication to cool my mind off, after some really stressful days. And my next one has already begun 🙂
The second month brought yet another new activity that was my first time in Germany – Go Karting! I completely forgot the feeling of driving on that track and how awesome and refreshing that felt each time I’ve done before. And along with some colleagues, I’ll make sure I go for it once a month and improve myself over the time…
It’s the third month of the year, and it’s already on a roll. Things have been lined up literally until September, but this time, there’s one thing different. I’m not going to lose out on people and personal time like I did.
So coming back from my derailed thoughts of why I started writing, and the epiphany that took place some minutes ago? Okay epiphany might be a big word for it, let’s say coming back to senses after a realisation.
Yesterday, scrolling through some posts on social media, seeing the achievements and people following their dreams and hobbies, I was simply happy. Genuinely felt so nice to see an old friends album release, someone else’s beautiful sketches an someones truly worthy paintings. I asked what was my thing? Everyone or most of them have their things, what is mine? And my best friend sitting next to me, simply replied, well you write. And that’s your thing. Apart from your love for laughing. After a giggle on that, I realised, yes, it is. And that’s exactly what I love.
Just because of my stupid reason like fear of being judged, I subconsciously started inhibiting my thoughts to be typed.
Well, here I am again. Rebooted. And ready to start all over again!
Keep smiling and stay strong! 🙂