I think a lot of posts are long due. And my list seems to get longer each time I add a new topic that I would like to write about and share something.
Without any further delays, it’s time to bring that list to action. Start with something that’s been absolutely thrilling and I’ve been waiting to write about – Fears.
We all grow up having some or the other kind of fear. Be it fear of speaking in public, or fear of spiders (!!!) or fear of heights or open waters or as simple as fear of being all by yourself. And the list goes on. What if I told you that yes, I had all of these (and quite a few more) in my list since I don’t even remember and also when I moved here to Germany exactly 6 years ago? For all of you who’re familiar with me, you know that’s real shit. I couldn’t do any of these things.
And over the time, with such tiny baby steps that I didn’t even know I was taking, I’ve finally crossed all of these out from my list (and my list still doesn’t end) and that means, in coming years there are a lot more to be crossed off too. But this post isn’t about telling it’s all easy peasy and you should go and sky dive tomorrow. I wish it were that simple.
It’s about growing.
We grow and evolve each day. And believe it or not, even the smallest of learning makes that little change in us. I don’t want to think what would have happened if in March 2016, I wouldn’t have attempted to say a single sentence completely in German. Did my sentence make sense? Well, partially. But my grammar was out of this world (literally). And then, if I did get embarrassed (which I did), should have I stopped? Well, easier said than done, I would have. But somehow, the will to keep on going and making like a million mistakes (and continuing to make mistakes) at least has brought me to a place where I stand in a reputed University and take a lecture, in German.
How on earth did that happen?
I was sweating about the whole language skills point before this lecture. And I realized that it’s the last thing I should be sweating about. Humans are humans and we are not perfect. Being a foreigner in this country, constantly trying to learn, integrate, fail and try again is making me the person I am today. And will continue to help me grow and evolve.
That’s one part of the story.
Do you remember the jet ski blog post? If not here’s the link – Courage. And here you would know very well that I really was at rock bottom on this day (not literally, but emotionally).
And yet, came another opportunity this year to try it once again. Did I try it immediately? No. Not happening. But after sitting at the back for about half hour, I decided to ‘try’ again. And guess what, call it ‘I don’t care right now – feeling at that moment’ or ‘Let’s do this shit – feeling’ or simply ‘Charu, you’ve come this far, don’t give up – feeling’ or a combination of all, few minutes later, I was accelerating at it’s top speed and just breathing. I didn’t think of the last time and how I felt. I just went with the winds and waves. And yes, that wasn’t alone, my partner/best friend/fiancé was by my side and the courage he gave me and continues to give, helped me overcome yet another fear.
And few weeks later, I saw another challenge in front of me. I forgot that I had registered for a sport that involves both heights and water – Canyoning. For those who haven’t heard about it, like me, it’s a sport that involves diving/sliding/climbing/crawling in and between the river between a canyon (closes spaces from time to time, yayyy! – No).
And this time, with office colleagues. There we were, the lucky group that won tickets in lottery for this sport and absolutely thrilled looking at it, while walking towards the starting point.
My first thought while walking – No way on earth can I ever do this. (Pretty positive you see).
And there we were, first task, climb up a rock and dive into the water. Simple. I swear to God I haven’t taken that much time making some of the biggest decisions of my life and that moment before the first dive, kinda stood still in front of me. I couldn’t move. And then the guide told me, don’t worry, I’ll count. And she did. The heaviest lifting of my legs in terms of fear and I jumped. Went straight down and felt nothing anymore. Came up a couple of seconds later and I forgot all the pain at that moment. Thanks to the neoprene suit, ice water was now only hitting face and hands.
And this was just the beginning.
Next 2 hours were I guess some of the best moments I’ve ever experienced. Jumping, climbing, sliding, crawling to find our ways (following the guide) to the final drop.
This final drop was a 18 meter slide on a waterfall rock into the water below. When I first saw the view from the point of slide, I thought this cannot be real (height fear reminded me how insane and deadly this is – don’t listen to height fear when it talks to you, it’s stupid.). A few slides from other colleagues later, I decided I’ll do it without the rope too and either ways, gravity will work and I’ll go down. Yes, that’s how I calm my nerves when I feel like I’m going to die. The guide asked me quite a few questions about letting me go, or if I’m sure, and I should keep my eyes open to enjoy. I nodded no for everything. And a few moments later, I was sliding and bumping on the rock to hit the water. And swear on god, that was the best thing I did that week! (Why only week and not ever? More on that in posts later 😉 ) And would most definitely do it again in another place! (Summer, come soon!)
All these fears were more real and easier to explain. But there are fears that one can’t explain.
Yesterday while celebrating my 6 years here, I thought to myself, that each person / event / hurt / success and challenges helped me live here so beautifully, that time did fly.
And I did not think when I moved on 26 Sept 2013 that if I would be thinking this way 6 years from now. Not one bit.
To each one out there, if you have any self doubt, go out there and challenge yourself. Face the situations that scare you when you get the chance and also, keep growing and getting stronger. Because you can 🙂 Only if you really want to 🙂
Keep smiling and stay strong 🙂
P.S. I can’t upload my videos here but here’s the video on YouTube of the same place, by the same group that organizes it 🙂 Enjoy! 🙂